Happy 50th baby.

Its been a long life, but now we can die in peace. Together. With Koch's Golden Anniversary Beer.

Lemme tell you about the sickest swill in the whole god damned world. Or at least the Philadelphia metro area.

I bought this sappy crap in Jersey. $4.50 for a 12 pack. Compared to the astounding beer prices in Philly, that's an amazing deal. Hell, that's an amazing deal anywhere.

You look at the can, you think, "Hey, this is some serious Donald Trump shit." It's got a solid gold label, with ribbons claiming it as a the winner of the Great American Beer Festival. But when you read the small type, you realize they won in - get this - 1987.

I know what you're saying. You're saying, "Youre probably some god damned Philly hipster, and undoubtedly you drink PBR. And they're still reeling off of their 1885 blue ribbon thing."

But c'mon, that's totally like, nostalgic and stuff. What happened in 1987? Not a damned thing I can remember, and I was there. Sitting in Mrs. Taylor's kindergarten class, to be exact.

So let's be honest with ourselves. This is the worst god damned beer in the world. And I'm loving every minute of it.